Hope & Meaning Without Faith

Some people say religion is good and necessary because it gives people hope. I have not found religion to be necessary for this. Maybe you don't need as much reassurance as you think you do. Maybe you can find hope in this world, without seeking another.

People lean on religion to help them cope with life, but maybe you don't need a crutch at all. Maybe if you try standing up, you'll realize that your legs were stronger than you imagined.

Two of the most difficult things people face in life is their own mortality, and the loss of loved ones. This is often where people look to religion for meaning. The problem with this is, it usually isn't enough. I've seen a lot of people try to "keep their eyes on heaven" and force themselves to smile through their losses. But grief hurts in the here and now. There are several steps to grief, several stages one must move through in order to sort out and mentally organize all the feelings and thoughts involved in this process. It all takes time.

It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to feel sad. It doesn't mean you don't have any faith. But I think that faith isn't an important thing in these times (or really ever). I think the support of your friends and family is the most important thing, and perhaps just as important, is taking care of yourself.

My biggest fear as a mother is the loss of a child. I have been through pregnancy losses in the past and it was not easy. I coped with it in my own way at the time, by drawing closer to my family. I've often seen parents who've lost children putting their grief to work by taking up a cause in the name of their deceased child. Some of these people have done great things towards preventing illness and violence. They couldn't save their child, but they go on to save many others because of their search for meaning.

Eventually we will all face death. We're mortal, and we have the capacity both to know this and to cope with it. We don't have to live forever. We aren't meant to live forever. We have to go and make room for new life. We are meant to enjoy today, look back fondly on the past, try to make the best of the future. We are meant to try our best to live healthy, good lives. We can find hope and meaning in how we lived our lives, in the people we've touched and the things we've changed for the better along the way. We can take joy in the memories and moments we've experienced and the people we've loved. Life's meaning is what you make of it.

They say Atheism doesn't offer anyone comfort, particularly towards the end. But I think there is comfort to be found in banding together, in taking pride in your accomplishments. I think there is hope to be found in people who carry you with them after you go, and whose lives are changed because of you.

Because this is where my meaning is found. I don't rely on an afterlife for meaning or hope. I rely on the here and now, in trying to do things to make meaning and ease suffering now, to educate and share funny and happy times with people in my life here and now. I'm not waiting on a deity to settle the score or bring someone blessings. I believe in being a blessing and working to solve problems through reason and logic. I'm not perfect at this. I just have personally found that it's a satisfying way to live.

So I don't fear death nearly as much as I did when I was religious. Then my faith was always plagued by nagging doubts. Now I know that I have tangible reason to feel good about the life I've lead, to appreciate it as it happens. The fact that it isn't forever, doesn't mean it isn't any good. Now when I think of my death, I think about how lucky I've been to have had all the days and years and moments that I've had. I think about the people who have thanked me for advice. I think about my children and how hard I've worked to teach them how to be kind and honest and to care about things. Even if I were to die tonight, I'd be proud and happy with the life that I've had. I don't need forever.

A Note To Christian "Apologists"

Tell me something, do you have all the time in the world? Wow, what a coincidence! Neither do I! I type 70 words a minute without error. This blog takes me less than an hour and a half per week.

Atheists and agnostics are a very small percentage of the U.S. population. Christians are a huuuge percentage in comparison. I don't have a problem sharing my world with you. I see you everywhere I go, every day of my life. My husband is a Christian. My mom is a Christian. My brother is a Christian. Many of my friends are still Christians. You're kind of hard to avoid. And it's not that I dislike you personally...we cool.

The problem is that everywhere I go, there you are. So when I talk about my views you've got to open your mouths and give me yours (usually indignantly, condescendingly and in long, drawn out prose). I just don't have the time.

We can all get along. I truly believe that. People say "God bless you" to me all the time and I don't burst into flames or foam at the mouth. I have people telling me that Jesus loves me quite often and I refuse to tell them they are soft in the head. In fact, I thank them because I think their intentions are basically good and I don't need to bring up my views at every single opportunity. You know, the way some people do...

But here's the thing. Sometimes I do like to talk about various things. Sometimes, I even like to write about things. Like my life and my experiences in and out of religion. Like you, I like to share my ideas and conclusions.

Like many of you, I like to blog. Do you do that to get a reaction or start a debate every time? Wow, we really *do* have a lot in common! Neither do I!

And the thing that might seem really weird to you is that I don't want to spend a bunch of time talking about me getting "saved." Yet I know that's super important to you because you believe the Boogeyman In The Sky is going to fry my soul forever and boil me in oil like a drumstick at KFC unless he saves me from himself. I know you think it's a loving, super awesome deed for you to go ahead and learn me sumpthin about your Bible so that I don't spend my life in darkness, misery, debauchery and ignorance and then fry up Colonel Sanders style in the afterlife.

But you know what's funny about that? I'm not a particularly miserable person and I actually don't spend every waking moment looking for life's selfish pleasures. I have kids to raise and work to do.

Plus you know what's great about no longer believing in the Boogeyman? I'm no longer afraid of his Boogeyman Pit.

So the thing is I don't want to debate about your Bible because I've already read it. I've already debated it. Again. And again. And again. There are always plenty of Christians willing to discuss it. At one point I was going to 3 Bible studies a week and "seeking" with an open heart because I truly wanted to believe. There aren't many Christians who know the Bible better than me and that's not even bragging. That's an honest (and rather pathetic) truth.

I don't want to debate about your God because in the end, it will get neither of us anywhere. I will go away unconvinced because you have no actual evidence. You will go away convinced because you believe exactly what you want to believe. Because you want the Boogeyman In The Sky to be on your side and fry up somebody else. That's cool. I'm okay with you thinking I'm going to fry because that means about as much to  me as my kid telling me his imaginary friend isn't speaking to me anymore. IE: it doesn't mean anything at all.

Have you looked into Agnosticism or Atheism as hard as I've looked into your religion? I've asked tons of questions and studied up hard, which is how I got my Agnosticism in the first place. TADA!

So if I'm okay with you thinking I'm "frying in the afterlife" and am willing to accept that extremely remote possibility, can I just hereby absolve you of guilt and obligation to "change my heart"? Pray for me if you like, but she who has seen the man behind the mask can no longer be fooled into thinking he's the great King of Oz.

You Can't Pray Away Mental Illness

One of the biggest beefs I have with religion is what it has done to the mentally ill. In the past, churches have burned people with anxiety disorders and schizophrenia at the stake. They have killed and injured them in exorcisms, trying to expel demons that don't exist. This one is still happening.

And what you'll see a lot nowadays in Christian circles is the idea that God can fill that "hole in your heart." 

You know what's weird about that? I don't have a hole in my heart. I love my life. I love my family. I love my plans and goals for the future. I love my freedom. I see wonder and beauty all around me. But it wasn't always this way.

Because once, I was lonely and sad. Once, I suffered from major depression. And this went on for years, WHILE I was a Christian. The promises of a new life, a new heart, a new hope, of God coming to fill that hole in my heart, were promises I took seriously and wanted desperately. But it didn't happen.

The thing about church is that it, being a social gathering, can have some tangible psychological benefits. Having somewhere to go and feel like you belong can be a positive thing for someone who is a bit isolated. Having people to turn to with your troubles, even if just in a prayer meeting, fulfills a deep need for human connection and support. And that alone can sometimes make mental illness a little bit better. 

The problem is that some people think the Bible is "sufficient" and has the answer to everything. The problem is that many Christians think psychiatry a useless and "ungodly" field. You won't find much Biblical evidence for any of the tenets of psychology. Because the Bible isn't a science book. It's a book that tells people to pray and have hope and believe. That's great for normal folks.

But when you have a serious mental illness, these things aren't enough. When you have a serious mental illness, you have a hole in your heart that just doesn't go away.

So you ask yourself, "Am I just not praying right? Am I not close enough to God?"

People ask you if there is some sin in your life that is dragging you down. They tell you that as a Christian you have every reason to be happy, and no business contemplating suicide. They bless your house, drop holy water on your head, "lift you up in prayer." It's nice that they try. But nothing changes. The pain doesn't go away. The fears don't go away. And then they get frustrated with you. And then they get mad.

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that God doesn't want me to worry, I'd have a bag of nickels to smack someone with. Which I'd almost be tempted to do. Because someone with depression and anxiety can't just stop worrying. It doesn't work that way. It isn't a choice. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you feel bad, and your body and mood follow along.

But no one guilts you out of taking your psychiatric meds like a Christian can. God can heal you! God can take all your sorrows away! Just believe! Just have more faith! I'm so sorry you're sad, let me pray for you! You need to spend less time praying and more time in counseling with a trained professional. You need to spend less time reading your Bible for answers and more time taking your Zoloft. 

If you want to fill that "hole in your heart" don't get right with "God". Get your brain chemistry right. Get out of the house. Set small, reasonable goals. Make friends. Go to a support group. 

I saw an ad for counseling services online once that had probably a thousand comments from Christians saying that "Only Jesus can fill that emptiness inside!" Nope. If you feel empty inside, there is a good chance you have a psychiatric problem or personality disorder. There's no shame in that, and no shame in getting help.

One of the worst things I've seen is mentally ill Christians struggling day after day, year after year with symptoms that could significantly subside in as little as a week or two on the proper medications. It's truly amazing and heartbreaking to me how much stigma is inflicted on people who seek help for their mental health. Christians are typically smart enough to realize that you can't pray your physical ailments away, which is why they get their butts to the doctor when they're sick. But they don't seem to see mental illness as a real illness but rather a "spiritual sickness". 

Here's a little exercise in logic I like to try. Take the spirituality out of it and see what's left. What can you treat and how can you treat it? In doing so, I have not once found spirituality to be necessary in treating anything. But I have found help and healing.

God Is Not Love

Since religious people just loooove to accuse Atheists and Agnostics of not knowing their Bible, I'm going to do a little study, just like I used to do when I was a Christian. Except with a whole lot less cherry-picking and a lot more honesty.

This is such a pretty Bible passage. I just love to quote it, even still:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails...

Great thoughts. Whoever wrote this had the right idea, don't you think? I really do. 

Weird though, that the Bible would say that God is love. By this definition, God is far from being love.

"Love is patient, love is kind."
Interesting. Yet the Biblical God didn't have much patience or kindness in the garden of Eden. Adam and Eve disobeyed him ONE TIME and he booted them out of there, cursing them multiple times and bringing thousands upon thousands of years of sin and evil upon the world. I don't know about you, but that doesn't strike me as particularly patient. I have yet to toss my lil rascals out of the house for any of their misdeeds.

Was God patient and kind to Uzzah when he struck him dead for touching the ark to try to steady it? I mean, after all, it's not like the guy had bad motives. He was trying to steady the ark to keep it from tipping or falling. Striking people dead doesn't seem all that kind to me either but what do I know. I've never struck anyone dead for any reason. It's not my thing.

"It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud"

Yet the God of the Bible does little else but envy and boast.  In fact, in Exodus, he declares that his NAME is jealous. He spends a whole heck of a lot of the old testament boasting about how holy, mighty and great he is, and even more time ordering the slaughter of nations who don't give him the honor and praise he seems to need. If you don't think God is proud, read Job. It's really a story about God showing off.

"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking"

I'm just going to leave that as is because if you've actually read the Bible and you remember how God behaves in the old testament, this is a hoot and a half. I can't imagine anyone MORE self-seeking. He demands constant adoration and is jealous and angry when he doesn't get it. "Coincidentally" narcissists behave the same way.

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Oh man. I wish I were more like God and could keep my temper when people around me start complaining. Oh wait. He DOESN'T. He burns them to death with fire. 

Numbers 11:1 - Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the LORD, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the LORD burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.

If you want a good laugh, try getting a "Bible person" to discuss this with you. Their justifications are heaps of fun. Gosh, imagine how mad God was that after all the miracles he'd performed for the Israelites, they had the nerve to complain! Was performing miracles hard for God? Did it tire him out? Was he as tired as someone who'd been traveling through the desert all day? Poor God! No wonder he lost his temper! Now, if someone disrespects you, is it okay to kill them with fire? If they are ungrateful enough, is it okay? Is that love? If it's for their own good in the after-life, is it okay? Hmm...

Now what kind of hardships were these people experiencing? A stubbed toe? The wrong brand of shampoo, perhaps? Umm, no. They had been traveling through the desert with nothing but manna to eat, which the Bible describes as tasting "like something made with olive oil." How would you feel about eating the same thing day after day, for every single meal, and nothing else while wandering in the hot desert sun all day? My kids can't even stand to eat the same dinner 2 nights in a row! I put up with my kids' complaining when I feed them a 3 course meal that they haven't eaten before. Am I more patient and slower to anger than God??

And as for keeping no record of wrongs...gosh. I guess you don't need to when you immediately kill the people you feel have wronged you. It doesn't take much record-keeping for that.

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

Psalms 137:8O daughter of Babylon, you devastated one, How blessed will be the one who repays you With the recompense with which you have repaid us. 9How blessed will be the one who seizes and dashes your little ones against the rock.

Wow, sounds a lot like rejoicing in evil to me! I can't think of a more apt example of rejoicing in evil than that, folks!

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God didn't protect the Israelites as soon as they got a little grumpy. He didn't protect anyone except Noah and his family in the times of the flood. He didn't protect Tamar from being raped by her brother and living the rest of her life as a "desolate woman" even though she hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't protect Dinah either. He didn't give Uzzah a 2nd chance. He didn't hope for the people in Noah's day to change their ways. He drowned them. God didn't protect the nations he sent people to destroy - nope - not even the children, babies, or pregnant women. Perserverence is a difficult concept for a God that gets people-torching mad over a bit of grumbling. 

My oh my. The mental gymnastics it takes to be an apologist!

Oh well, I guess I'm just judging this based on my "limited human knowledge". But do you know what smells exactly like hypocrisy? A god who tells us to forgive and then fails to forgive again and again and again.

Maybe God's love and mercy isn't so wondrous after all. Because yanno, just maybe, it doesn't even exist.

God Will Provide...Except When He Doesn't

God will provide, or so they say. Yet the only provision I've ever seen, has come from humans. Humans who work hard for it. Humans who care about each other. Humans who are compassionate.

Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

According to actionagainsthunger.org someone in the world dies of hunger every 4 seconds. 

Every. 4. Seconds. 

While I'm writing this, dozens of people have already died.

Most of these people are young children. But some don't die. Some live for a long time first with starvation, illness, parasites, and unsafe drinking water.

But God will provide, they say. For whom? For you and your white, Republican friends?

Matthew 7:7  Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

It may surprise you to learn that Africa, where a lot of people are dying of starvation, is a 40% Christian continent. A lot of these starving people are praying people. People who ask, and believe. But people who, by and large, don't always receive.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

The sad part is that a lot of people believe this and ignore reality. The reality that people aren't getting what they need. That all that praying isn't solving a thing.

If you want to change the world, prayer just doesn't cut it. I think religious people know this, deep down, which is why they go to the doctor when they're sick instead of trying to pray their infections away. If praying did anything, the world wouldn't have such overwhelming misery. We're all partially responsible for that. Pray all you want but if you want to actually help someone, you'll have to get off your ass. 

Granted, if Christians followed the Bible as stated they would spend a lot less time complaining about the poor and more time feeding them. But most of them just quote these verses to encourage themselves and their friends that everything will work out okay for them, then they ignore all the people around them for whom it is obviously not working out. 

It's not, of course, entirely the fault of religious people that so many people are starving. Barriers to overcoming poverty are complex and often involve societal and governmental systems that need to be altered. But these problems certainly aren't going to fix themselves by prayer. They require education and understanding, a plan of action. It isn't enough to say "I believe God will provide" and remain ignorant and impotent. 

We produce enough food to feed the world but it isn't distributed equally. Some people have too much and others not enough. It isn't fair. That's how reality is. If this is ever going to change, it's going to change the way our lifespans did - through science - through changes in production methods, societal changes (many of which are being held back by religious beliefs) and use of efficient energy sources. 

It's easy to say that God will provide when you're a wealthy American (and even many poor Americans are wealthy compared to the poor in 3rd world countries). It's easy to say God will provide when you have friends to lean on, family to turn to, charities to hit up for help. We have resources that a lot of other countries simply don't have. To say we are "blessed" implies that God wanted it that way because we're all super special over here, or maybe we're praying the "right way" and they aren't. It implies that for some unknown reason, God must value us more than the people whose children he lets die every day. Isn't it weird how we get all concerned when it's white children who are dying?

What if it were your child whom you couldn't afford to feed? What if it were your family walking miles in the heat to get to a source of iffy water that gives you the diarrhea that is killing you? What if it was you working endless hours for $1.25 a day? Would you still say god provided for all your needs? 

If we need to be "God's hands and feet" then what good is all this foolish talk of praying and God's provision? It sounds like the only ones who will be doing any providing, is people. We've had thousands of years of "God's provision" and "coincidentally" thousands of years of rampant death. It's time for us to take the wheel.