I Don't Hate Christians

I feel like I need to explicitly state this again because this blog can come off very very critical of Christians. Let me be clear: it is not Christians I hate, it's Christianity. It's the Bible. It's the ignorance of holding to dangerous and abusive attitudes and misconceptions and worldviews that I hate, and the damage these things can cause.

I don't apologize for anything I've written here. I meant it all. I have many reasons to detest the Bible on whole, yet there are certain parts of it I like which are very beautiful and even wise. And I do always try to qualify my statements with words like "some" when I talk about vile attitudes and behaviors I've dealt with from certain Christians.

Despite the problems with this faith, I do know many Christians who are kind, sincere, reasonable people on the whole. Some of my best friends are Christians. In fact, I'm married to a Catholic and I certainly don't hate him! We connect in many ways. We just don't connect on this.

The Bible is intolerant on whole, but some Christians are more tolerant than others. The Bible is hate-filled, but I've known many loving and patient people who claim to love it. I've seen Christians do good deeds, help people in need, go out of their way to be decent and good and charitable. There are Christians whom I am immensely grateful to, Christians who sacrificed a lot to be loyal and supportive friends to me even in my worst times. I know good Christians exist and I do love my Christian friends.

Additionally, I really do understand. Religion is a powerful temptation. I am angry at myself for the way I was in the past, as a devout Christian extremist. I WAS very ignorant, hateful, judgmental and self-righteous. And I think part of the reason I got that way was my own character. I have a tendency to become zealous, and it's something I need to dial down a notch or two. But there were so many people like me in certain religious groups, that way of thinking became hard to escape. And I know that many religious people aren't like that and are just looking for hope.

I'm not sorry for stating my beliefs and viewpoints. I've suffered long and hard for the tenets of Christianity, and it's caused me immense suffering that I never needed to go through. I'm not sorry for making fun of or outright condemning some religious texts for being cruel, irrational, prejudiced or ridiculous. Many passages are, and I think this is important information to share.

I'm not sorry for responding with disgust and anger at those who tell me I am evil because I don't believe Jehovah is a god. I am not sorry for responding with outrage when people tell me that I and people like me deserve to exist in endless torment because we don't agree with your view on god. Look at it from my perspective for a moment. Would you like to be told you are going to a hell for something you can't change? I can't believe in something that rings very false to me. And, although I don't believe in hell, I think the fact that you think I will go there is very rude.

I don't know if there is a god at all. I think it's highly unlikely and not necessary, but I also think it's a very complicated topic. I don't know all the answers and I don't claim to. But I do know this: I've rejected the story of Jehovah and his ilk. I don't owe him one single damn thing, and I don't respect him.

But if you are a good person, I do respect you even though we may sorely disagree on this matter. I certainly don't think that ALL Christians think deeply on what it is they actually believe about hell, or that they mean to treat me or anyone else unkindly.

I won't tell you how to live. While I don't believe in being "born again" I do believe in conversions. When people take it into their heads to change and try to improve their lives, they often succeed and I applaud that. If joining a church is your way of saying you are making positive changes in your life, your way of reaching out to other people in love, then I am not going to stop you. I just want you to think about what you say and do, why you say and do it, and what the consequences may be. Because I excluded and judged and really emotionally hurt people when I was a Christian, and seeing now how wrong I am, I'm disgusted with myself.

I won't tell you that you will die or burn if you don't believe like me. I will give you more courtesy than that and I certainly don't believe that. I won't insist upon anything other than that you use your own basic reason and compassion to form opinions and make decisions, as most people do when it really comes down to it. I ask that you look to science and logic, that you don't jump to conclusions about curses or miracles, that you respect and thank medical professionals and treat ALL people as valuable, not just those who believe and worship exactly the way you do. I know I can't change the way you think, but I can be an influence about that.

I do wish more people were Agnostic or Atheist because I believe we could get more done in the world, as we are doing, with huge medical and political advances, among other things. I would rather live here and now, in this country, than in Jehovah's "stone everyone to death" society any day of the week. I don't think anyone deserves that and I will continue to rail against that line of thinking.

I hate the Bible on whole. Despite a few interesting stories and histories, and a few words of wisdom here and there, it's a very dangerous and wrong-headed book. I'm not going to pick up and nuzzle a book that tells people to kill their own children. It is vile.

But I don't hate Christians. I understand. I tried VERY HARD for many years to justify all the wrong in the Bible, so as to continue loving my idea of a god. But my idea of a loving, kind, merciful god simply did not match up with the Biblical portrait of Jehovah. I understand that feeling of "knowing god" of being "close to god" of seeing the world in terms of right and wrong, good and evil, of seeing people as inherently worthwhile. I took a few good things from that faith, and there are things I miss. But the god I thought I knew then, wouldn't do the things that the Jehovah did, and I would not worship Jehovah.

But I do care about my Christian family and friends. I do agree with many of your morals and I will sometimes even be supportive of religious things you share which are wise or uplifting. We are all people, trying to do our best, not one of us better than another. I wish you all the best.

A Note To Christian "Apologists"

Tell me something, do you have all the time in the world? Wow, what a coincidence! Neither do I! I type 70 words a minute without error. This blog takes me less than an hour and a half per week.

Atheists and agnostics are a very small percentage of the U.S. population. Christians are a huuuge percentage in comparison. I don't have a problem sharing my world with you. I see you everywhere I go, every day of my life. My husband is a Christian. My mom is a Christian. My brother is a Christian. Many of my friends are still Christians. You're kind of hard to avoid. And it's not that I dislike you personally...we cool.

The problem is that everywhere I go, there you are. So when I talk about my views you've got to open your mouths and give me yours (usually indignantly, condescendingly and in long, drawn out prose). I just don't have the time.

We can all get along. I truly believe that. People say "God bless you" to me all the time and I don't burst into flames or foam at the mouth. I have people telling me that Jesus loves me quite often and I refuse to tell them they are soft in the head. In fact, I thank them because I think their intentions are basically good and I don't need to bring up my views at every single opportunity. You know, the way some people do...

But here's the thing. Sometimes I do like to talk about various things. Sometimes, I even like to write about things. Like my life and my experiences in and out of religion. Like you, I like to share my ideas and conclusions.

Like many of you, I like to blog. Do you do that to get a reaction or start a debate every time? Wow, we really *do* have a lot in common! Neither do I!

And the thing that might seem really weird to you is that I don't want to spend a bunch of time talking about me getting "saved." Yet I know that's super important to you because you believe the Boogeyman In The Sky is going to fry my soul forever and boil me in oil like a drumstick at KFC unless he saves me from himself. I know you think it's a loving, super awesome deed for you to go ahead and learn me sumpthin about your Bible so that I don't spend my life in darkness, misery, debauchery and ignorance and then fry up Colonel Sanders style in the afterlife.

But you know what's funny about that? I'm not a particularly miserable person and I actually don't spend every waking moment looking for life's selfish pleasures. I have kids to raise and work to do.

Plus you know what's great about no longer believing in the Boogeyman? I'm no longer afraid of his Boogeyman Pit.

So the thing is I don't want to debate about your Bible because I've already read it. I've already debated it. Again. And again. And again. There are always plenty of Christians willing to discuss it. At one point I was going to 3 Bible studies a week and "seeking" with an open heart because I truly wanted to believe. There aren't many Christians who know the Bible better than me and that's not even bragging. That's an honest (and rather pathetic) truth.

I don't want to debate about your God because in the end, it will get neither of us anywhere. I will go away unconvinced because you have no actual evidence. You will go away convinced because you believe exactly what you want to believe. Because you want the Boogeyman In The Sky to be on your side and fry up somebody else. That's cool. I'm okay with you thinking I'm going to fry because that means about as much to  me as my kid telling me his imaginary friend isn't speaking to me anymore. IE: it doesn't mean anything at all.

Have you looked into Agnosticism or Atheism as hard as I've looked into your religion? I've asked tons of questions and studied up hard, which is how I got my Agnosticism in the first place. TADA!

So if I'm okay with you thinking I'm "frying in the afterlife" and am willing to accept that extremely remote possibility, can I just hereby absolve you of guilt and obligation to "change my heart"? Pray for me if you like, but she who has seen the man behind the mask can no longer be fooled into thinking he's the great King of Oz.